i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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