She said her name was "party"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
