its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
this hospital has no fireball
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
