i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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