I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
