and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
