We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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