According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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