Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm lost and stupid without you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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