So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There r osticjed everywhere
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
