so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
