Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
