I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize