so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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