so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's the barista slut.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
