I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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