even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
