and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
