i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my poor anus
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
