I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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