Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
