Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize