You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
