So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize