Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
