it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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