Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
