so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
