Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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