? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I faked an abortion last night.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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