WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
