A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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