Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
love makes seman taste better
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
