What a fucking waste of an outfit
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
