U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
