Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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