Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
