so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
