I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
