Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
