i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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