I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
