Quick, to the slutcave!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
