she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found puke in my bra..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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