I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
