i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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