You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
