I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
