So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
