a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
