have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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