yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
