So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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