You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i drank out of a bidet.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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