So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
