Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
