My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
