You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
