Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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