Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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