I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
