I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
