Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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