I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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