Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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