I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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