You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
