he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
