i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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