It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
