I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
