Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
