a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
