If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
