Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
