im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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