I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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