Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
