I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
