k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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