i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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