I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
