so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
