Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
