hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize